Pain, Pain, Go Away -OR- Get Over It!?!?!?

Since February 2009, I've had an unrelenting pain in my lower right pelvis and after numerous tests, it's origin is unknown. I have varying levels of pain each and every day without any apparent connection to anything. After receiving the results from my latest test, a CT Scan with Barium and IV contrast, it appears that *nothing* is wrong because this test also came back normal. Generally receiving normal medical test results is a refreshing relief after lots of worry, however in my case it is horrible news because I was in despair for a diagnosis so treatment could begin, along with a pain-free future. After the call today, tears have been shed, more Internet searches conducted, and long talks to myself and others inside and outside my head have occurred. I would love to find out what is causing this and a way to *fix* it, but alas I'm now not sure if I am willing to go through more tests just to get *normal* results and ride the emotional roller coaster. While passing through an emotional low, I was able to see my future through a tear-stained determination. Although I have pain, it has yet to terribly impact my daily activities in a negative way. Therefore, I have resolved (poignant that this is nearly the eve of a *new year*) to just GET OVER IT! I resolve to not let my pain take time of worry away from my family and my happiness. I have spent, literally, HOURS searching for possible diagnoses online and in books. I have also spent an inordinate amount of time typing out my symptoms and journaling the pain. This is all not mentioning the time spent preparing for and worrying about appointments/tests. Last, but not least, all the money spent on co-pays and deductibles. Just last week, before my latest and most hopeful test, the CT scan, I was telling my sister that in a strange way I don't want to know what is wrong because of how much it would potentially cost to treat. Now it doesn't matter. I am going to get over it! Every time I feel the dull-aching or stabbing pelvic pain, I will read a book to my son and kiss him between pages. Every time the pain wraps around my back, I will hug my husband. Every time the pain shoots down my leg, I will snuggle my dog. The pain will not stop me from living, instead it will drive me to live and appreciate all that I have. Maybe, just maybe, as I "get over it" the "pain WILL go away."

~Megan

A New Year and A New Blog

However it happened, it happened . . . I lost my password to my original blog and since we changed internet companies, I changed email addresses too. Therefore I cannot, for the life of me, access my previous blog . . . hence "A New Blog." I hope to have a new post each week and I apologize for any inconvenience from my forgetfulness! Happy New Year!

~Megan